People Want Answers

I realize that I've made some big changes in my life the last seven years so, it's understandable that people are curious. They have a lot of questions and sometimes they even put words to them: (By the way, these are real questions that I've been asked so they are 'quotes.')

"So, where do you go to church?"

I don't but I still speak at them and enjoy the people in them -- and out of them. I kind of live like life is my church and everyone attends. I call it 'humanity.'

"Do you call yourself a Christian, a Buddhist, an Agnostic, an Athiest...I can't tell about you, Stacey.  I mean, you used to sing in churches and lead Bible studies and now you're posting on Facebook about 'sustainable living through hemp' and you're quoting Ghandi."

I think hemp is great and think we should explore more of what it can do for us.

I always quoted Ghandi but didn't give him credit because some people couldn't handle it and there was a time when I couldn't handle people not handling it.

Yes, I sang in churches and led Bible studies and that was its own special time in many ways -- and it was also fraught with a grave misunderstanding about God and his love. That's not me saying that I think all people in church have that misunderstanding and should wake up and leave. I'm saying that about me.

I was wrapped up in limiting judgments of who was qualified to be loved by God and what those qualifications were. I was a sin detector. I resigned from that job when I went on a journey that led me to a God of Love that is beyond my imagination and I can see that he lives in or out of churches and in or out of the Bible. 

I don't define myself by a certain religious label anymore. I call myself a 'human being'. I found it's a club where everyone belongs and no one's left out. I really like that.

"But what about Jesus?"

Jesus and I have gone through a lot together. I have found that he can handle a lot more than the cross. He can handle my doubts, questions and considerations. He can handle my seeming irreverance and see my heart beyond all of it. 

"Then, why don't you call yourself a Christian?"

Because being 'for' Jesus doesn't mean whole-heartedly agreeing with what Christianity has become. And being 'for' Jesus doesn't mean being against Ghandi, Buddha, Krishna or science or Democrats or Republicans or Gays or Catholics or women who wear low-cut blouses (or Gay Republican Catholics who wear low-cut blouses.)

"What about salvation? Don't you help to 'save' people anymore?"

I'm not trying to 'save' anyone because I don't think anyone's broken or at risk -- and I don't think that God is dangling our feet of faith over the fires of hell as a way to motivate us toward his love. Because I don't believe he does that with us, I don't want to do that to others.

I just think we don't see ourselves clearly. Part of what I think Jesus came to do was to restore our sense of belonging to the Divine and a sense of how truly amazing, powerful, beautiful and loved we are. When we live in that, we live differently.

"Don't you make sure your kids go to church so that they can be saved? Don't you want your kids to hang out with Christians?" (Reminder: These are real questions I've been asked.)

I don't. My kids have gone to churches and church groups in the past and they've had some great times around great people. I try to make sure they leave before any 'salvation' call is made because I think it's a confusing message: "God loves you so much that he'll send you to hell if you don't believe in him just right."  I don't know. That just doesn't sound like 'love' to me and I can't twist it enough to make it sound like love.

As far as hanging out with Christian kids: I don't look for that as a standard. We have a kid who lives nearby, goes to church twice a week, is in the worship band. He's thrown rocks and baseballs at my kids' heads, stolen their scooters and is mean to them when he thinks I'm not looking and nice to them when he knows I can see. He's a Christian.

A Christian can be wonderful or not.  

The standard I teach my kids isn't about looking for designer religious labels but about looking for qualities of love and kindness and making things right when they're done wrong. If that shows up in Jewish, Christian, Buddhist, Athiest, Whatever-ist, I'm good with it.

"What political party do you vote for?"

I was raised a staunch Republican and then, about 15 years ago switched to Independant so that I could take in the scope of what both parties, and alternative parties offered. And then, I got into some of those thoughts like the whole thing is rigged anyway so why bother. I kind of live between a couple of thoughts on the whole thing and haven't completely landed yet.

At some point, I stopped telling people which side I voted for because I have friends and family simply can't handle anything that doesn't agree with their belief and I got to the point where it was not the hill worth dying on.

I have friends who think that you can't be a conscientious, caring Republican and others who think that you can't be a Democrat without being a self-victimized, 'raging liberal.'

Some people hold to the idea that 'Our guy is always the good guy and the other guy is always evil.'  That way of thinking and those absolutes are so completely unenlightened to me. I don't follow a party line but I have my preferences. I don't confuse my preferences with "I'm right and you're wrong and now we can't be friends."  I look for people I can get behind and respect. There are respectable people on both sides and even other sides that society hasn't evolved enough to include which I guess isn't surprising because we haven't exactly evolved to the point of not needing this illusion anymore but that's another story...

I have one friend in my life who has asked about my politics so many times from so many sneaky angles because she's been so disatisfied with my non-disclosure. She actually looks at the political promotions that get sent to my house around election time to see if she can figure it out (not realizing that all the other party mailers get sent to my post office box) and asks my husband and my kids how I vote.

If it matters that much for you to know, and you're so busy looking for the elephant or ass that you're missing me and all my good gluten-free love, maybe we shouldn't be friends. 

"What about homosexuality? Where do you stand on that?"

In my church days, I was committed to saving folks who were gay. I was not very much fun to be around and you couldn't, at all, get a sense of my true love for anyone because I was busy weilding my hammer and my sword. People usually brace themselves or run when they see someone like that coming. As well they should. Or they drink a lot of white wine at family functions when they're around you.  As well they should.

All of those are reasonable responses to someone who's coming at you with weaponry.

Again, I'm not looking for labels anymore and I'm not looking to fix anyone because I don't see them as broken or at risk of losing God's love, favor or eternity. People are people. I've apologized to the gay family members I was an ass to. They received my apology and we all live in love with each other. At the same time I don't live in that weird over-compensating, overly apologetic place people do when they're around folks they've misjudged. That's so icky and it's constantly drawing up the past into the present. No one has a better relationship for doing that. I've realized that healthy people don't want to be treated worse based on their sexual preference and healthy people don't want to be treated preferentially based on their sexuality either. Healthy people just want to be treated like people. Period.

Okay so, it's time for me to head back to bed and I'll answer more questions another time about vaccinations, organic living or whatever but here's the thing I'm coming to:

Sometimes the questions are just about the curiosity and exploration. But sometimes the questions that are burning in peoples' hearts aren't really about your politics or your religion or your sexual persuasion

or where you shop

and if you vaccinate

and if you eat organic.

People just really want to know a few things:

"Am I safe?"

My answer: If you are with you then, you'll know if you are with me.

"Can I trust you?"

My answer: To cook for you, care for you, listen with love and share wisdom? Yes.

To cut your hair, do your taxes or fly your airplane? No.

"Am I alone in this?"

My answer: Nope. You're never alone. Never, ever, not ever.

"Am I normal?"

My answer: Not at all. No one is. And that means everyone is not normal.

So, yes -- in that sense,

you totally are.

xo

The Lights Are Off But Everyone's Home

(Welcome OC Register readers!)

So, we're back on...

actually, technically we're back 'off'...

our breakers, that is. 

We're resuming our indoor camping experiment that we did from August 1, 2012 - December 11, 2012 where we turned off all but two breakers in the house and plunged our family into the dark. The two breakers kept Rock's office on, the dishwasher along with a few plugs in the kitchen as well as the washer and dryer in the garage. The random re-wiring of the house worked perfectly for us and it was a really rich experience for our family.

Then, my mom was coming for a month starting in December and we decided not to subject her to a pitch-black guest room once the winter sun set at 4:30 p.m., and no central heat in the house (some people don't consider that a 'vacation' as much as a punishment) so, we turned a couple of breakers back on. 

Tonight, we're back to darkness and candlelight and the sacred quiet of the night. We're back to reading by votives and swearing when we step on Legos or forget to buy candles at Ikea.

Tonight, we're back to living our version of 'off-grid' in the middle of Orange County where the buzz of celebrity, fame, Disneyland and those infamous housewives all have their own electricity.

I like it already. It feels comfortably uncomfortable and challenging in that good way that makes you feel like you're living more deeply the life that's already there.

I'll keep you posted how it goes and all that we see 
while we're living in the dark.

♥

Labels Vs. Love

Don't ask if it's:

Christian
or
Hindu
or 
Buddhist
or
Jewish
or
Democrat
or 
Republican
or 
Libertarian
or
American.

Ask yourself if it's:

True
and
if it brings 
Freedom
and
Healing
and 
Inspiration
and 
a sense of 
Connection
and
Love
and
Wonder
and 
Generosity
and
Peace.

And then, you will be looking, not for the label that comes from Fear -- which leaves us needing to be constantly reminded and assured that we're all the same -- 

but you will be looking for the quality that is reflective in Love -- which is always reminding us and assuring us that we are all One.

We are One.
We are Love.
One Love.

"Fear won't tell you the truth about Love; but Love will tell you the truth about Fear. 

Seek Love."

- Stacey Robbins

www.bloombeautiful.com

Trading

As many of you know, I went through a huge spiritual transition years ago. It launched during our stint in Upstate New York in 2005 and my life became the mass exodus of leaving the dogma of a religion that didn’t work for me anymore and trading it for a spiritual pursuit into a more spacious place.

I traded my fear of God -- for a love for God.

I traded my judgments of people -- for enjoying people.

I traded labels and conclusions about situations -- for curiosities and possibilities.

I traded the idea of ‘arriving at a destination’  -- for living in the middle of the journey.

And I traded needing to know -- for a need-to-know basis.

That last one was huge. 

See ‘needing to know’ can come from a desperate fear of losing control or of trying to manage a control we believe we’ve already lost.

Control arises when we don’t trust a person, process or thing.

Or God.

Needing to know is about trying to anticipate what could hurt you so that you can mitigate the pain that could be heading in your direction. (Think of a spouse who’s not trustworthy and how his partner is rifling through receipts in the pockets, the Internet history, and the phone logs:

That’s needing to know.)

I had spent YEARS so hyper-focused on my fear of ‘salvation.’  Wondering if I had it, if I had lost it, or if it (and I) were dangling by a thread over the fiery flames of hell that were licking at my frayed faith, waiting to consume my soul.

I didn’t trust that I was secure, so I rifled through God’s pockets, needing to know scripture after scripture that assured me of my eternal safety.

The thing was this:  For every scripture I found that assured me in the morning, I would find another scripture that left me un-assured in the night.

I had many long nights.

Mistrust and fear make nights (marriages, plane trips, waiting for lab results...) feel a lot longer than they really are.

And then, the Divine, who met me in a unique way in the quiet of Upstate New York, invited me to ‘rest.’

I, admittedly, wasn’t very good at resting.

Because ‘rest’ is tied to ‘trust.’

And that was the whole point he was making with me. 

That the level of peace I enjoyed was directly related to the trust I experienced.

It was an interesting two years in New York where God and I sorted through the many theologies on the table and the many fear-based perceptions I had of him.

I reached a point where I didn’t know who he was, but I was pretty clear who he wasn’t: He wasn’t that asshole god that I said I had believed in, worshipped and served out of terror (while calling it ‘love’) for all those years.

I reached a point where I wasn’t sure who he was, but I had stopped striving for the answer because I had a new peace

and I had a new trust in his goodness.

I didn’t need to know all the scriptures anymore to make me feel secure about my salvation

because I had an experience with a God of Love who assured me of his nature.

I didn’t need to know about all the news about the wars in the Middle East or the political issues in our country,

Waiting to see if the ‘signs of the times’ were lining up with all the prophesies,

(which mattered to me because if they were all fulfilled, I was going to meet my Maker and that brought me back to the “Am I saved???” issue)

because my sense of feeling ‘settled’ with God was no longer hinged on whether all the nations were settled.

I didn’t need to know what every friend, pastor or family member thought of me

because, I felt more secure in the person I had discovered I was -- my identity -- and I became content and in-love with me.

The journey is still ongoing.

 And I am not done, but I am different.

But that desperate, clawing, ‘needing to know’ that came from a fear of losing control was being replaced by trusting that Love would fill me in on what I truly needed to know,

when I needed to know it.

My whole life 'sighed' when that happened.

Because the other way is exhausting: when we attempt to fill our not-trusting, with ‘knowing,’

we’re attempting to be an expert on life

instead of trusting in the goodness that exists in the Universe  --

and that the true Expert On Life is ‘for’ us.

And when we attempt to fill our not-trusting with ‘knowing,'

we’re attempting to control the amount of pain we experience. But when we do that, as Dr. John Townsend says, “…we limit love in our lives.”

Trying to control = limiting love.

I can’t feel love, if I’m not trusting.

I can’t feel love, if I’m trying to control.

I can’t feel love, if I’m trying to mitigate pain.

A lot of my relationship with God and myself was about not feeling love and not trusting.

I tried to fill that Grand Canyon-sized hole with religious knowledge and assurances.

And he invited me to rest

So that he could fill it with trust.

It has been a beautiful, ugly, messy, gorgeous, maddening, enlivening, aching, healing journey.

 And totally worth it.

The most worth-it journey I know.

On the way, there was this wild pastor from this wild place in Los Angeles where we went for a while, after our New York trip had ended and during our exit from conventional church.

He pointed to me in the middle of a service one day.  He didn’t know me, or anything about me, but this is what he said,

“When you say, ‘I don’t know, but I have faith…’ and when you say, ‘I don’t understand, but I believe…’ then, you really do know and you really do understand.”

And he smiled.

I nodded.

And I smiled.

I got what he was saying.

Because when you encounter peace, you have a mirror that shows a true reflection of what’s most important - 

and when you don’t, you spend your life gathering shards of glass in an attempt to see clearly.

One reflects you. The other consumes you.

One heals you. The other cuts you.

One serves you. The other one becomes your master.

God came to heal us.

God came to reflect our true essence and value.

God came to serve us.

God came to bring a peace that’s different than the world gives.

The world gives us situational peace when there is order: When the stocks are up, our weight is down, there’s money in the bank, our party’s president is in office, and we know that the kids got in safely after the party on New Years Eve.

There’s nothing wrong with that. Trust me, I like it better when my house is clean, my fridge is full and the kids are tucked in bed.

But God offers to bring us peace when life is unbuttoned: when the stocks are down, our weight is up, the bank account is so dry it’s coughing, the other guy is in office, and we’re lying awake for the kids on New Years Eve, waiting to hear the key in the door.

God wants to take our desperate “I need to know -- or else”

relationship

And give us “I only need-to-know what I need to know because I trust and have peace and feel the presence of Love and Goodness in my life”

relationship.

Because he knows that if we only have peace when life is in order, a few things will happen:

1. We will work like mad to have life be in order all. the. time.

2. Our peace will be hinged on subjective and temporary things all needing our own power to control it – which means not a lot of peace.

3. We will eventually run out of energy to control all that there is to be in charge of: (think about trying to maintain every star system and every nation and leader and person and atom) and if the journey to trust isn't there, then despair can set in.

Love doesn't want that for us.

It’s a great exchange the Divine is offering to us:

We get to let go of control

and feel love.

We get to let go of mistrust

and feel peace.

We get to let go of needing to know everything

and be on a need-to-know basis.

The question is ever before us in every stressful moment

And unsure time

And insecure circumstance...

“Wanna trade?”

(You can find my new book, "Bloom Beautiful -- Inspiration, Encouragement and Healing for Women" at www.bloombeautiful.com)

Love that Loves to Love Us

I remember when Rock and I were going through really hard times in the beginning of our marriage almost 24 years ago. I really wanted him to change and I tried many methods,
including 'loving him.'

That sounds good -- you know 'loving him' -- but it wasn't. Because as soon as love has a motive to change someone, it becomes an agenda.

True love has no agenda.

True love has *results* because transformation is a natural and miraculous by-product of love.

But as soon as love is used as a tool to change someone, it becomes a manipulation. When we manipulate people, we are doing that out of a fear and a mistrust rather than elevating the honor between the relationship and truly loving them with honesty, space to be ourselves and surrender to the growth process that's taking place.

People feel like a project...like they're broken and we're here to fix them and we've opened our toolbox and used something we call 'love' to do it.

But that's not love.

True love just carries out what its nature is. Love just loves to love us.

When I give my talk, "Loving the Unfinished Places" (which is focused on how we wait to love people until after they change) I share this thought with the women and I believe it with all my heart.

Love is a wonderful inspiration
but a terrible reward.

And to add to that, it's a terrible 'tool.'

So, today, if there's something you're wanting to change in your life or in a relationship with someone else, seek Love. Not the love that would try to fix something that's broken --- but the Love that loves to love us.

It's a journey to discover what that true love is,
but it's the most rewarding, fulfilling and worth-it journey I know.

Namaste.

♥